Posted by: Theo | January 4, 2013

Grandma Nazi.

I read a post about grammar on some blog online.

Which is:

For one thing, the idea that there is only one right way of doing English – and everyone else is doing it wrong – is inherently flawed. And by “flawed” I mean illogicalelitist and even oppressive. Judgements about what counts as “right”, “good” and “correct” in writing and grammar always – ALWAYS – align with characteristics of the dialects spoken by privileged, mostly wealthy, mostly white people. We make these judgements based on learned biases, as well as a certain emotional attachment to our own way of doing things. But when people study dialects in an objective, scientific way (which is what cunning linguists actually do), they find that low-prestige dialects, such as African-American Vernacular English or Cockney English, have fully-formed grammar rules of their own that make just as much sense as any others. They are perfectly valid and functional forms of communication used by millions of people. The only difference is that they don’t have people running around telling everyone else to do it their way.

I think this is a stupid comment. Not because the lady was doing it in support of dyslexia (yes, yes very noble of you. here’s your fucking halo.) but more because of how the author somehow pulls out some bullshit about white supremacy and other hippie propaganda.

Yes, low-prestige vernaculars have their own set of rules. But then again, so does Elvish. And so does Chinese. Actually, so does every other fucking language in the universe. Even hieroglyphs have their own set of grammar rules. Always Ra before Horus except after the Crocodile God kinda shit.

Which is what makes language, language right? It’s a communication tool that allows us to communicate on the same level, regardless of what that level and what that language is. I don’t know why there are complaints about there being rules in the first place. Why? Because in the absence of none, how would you know which ones to break? Doesn’t this render your inane hipster need to break out of the box redundant?

The irony of it all, is that the commentary was written in plain, simple, TYPICAL, American English. And in the process, the author shat on people who talk about rules, while saying that no rules should be a rule.

Hypocrites rule the internet. And cats. But at least cats are cute.

Posted by: Theo | March 9, 2010

Ain’t no mountain so high enough.

More often than not, people are judged on first appearances.

Like how you assume all those who wear a combo of aviator glasses and polo tees with the most retarded horse you’ve ever seen have the tendency to sit outside Bukit Bintang while listening to music on their friend’s Sony Ericsson.

Or if you’re behind the wheel of a Proton Wira that has more plastic on the exterior than last night’s Academy Awards, there is probably a slight possibility that you think Jay Chou is the second coming, and have wet dreams about crooning along with him and some other singer called Avacado (replace with some other food if you want).

There’s the chance that when you look at anyone wearing a gold chain and bell-bottoms with loafers, topped with a shirt that has the legendary Bob Marley on it with flames adorning his sleeves, you assume he hangs out at Waikiki, has Kingfisher for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and when he feels like it, slaps his cousin who he is supposed to get married to because she deserves it; with the aforementioned Kingfisher.

Or if you’re really superficial, you think that anyone riding on a Yamaha RXZ has a larger collection of handbags than Paris. No, not the girl. The city.

But all that aside, I personally don’t think it’s cool to judge on first appearances. Mostly because I’ve been on the brunt of it. It gets tiring explaining that just because I look like this and I’m in advertising, it doesn’t mean that all I do all day is take 5 minutes every 5 minutes to shoot cocaine for 5 minutes. No, mom. Don’t worry. Mrs. Chan is lying.

So when it comes to work, I don’t want to pass any form of criticism unless I’ve worked with them.

HOWEVER, it’s not my fault if you tick all the right boxes. It’s also not my fault when you refuse to break out of the shell that people have built for you and allow yourself to be easily categorised.

There’s so many stereotypical things that can be said about you. Yes, you, the intern that is suddenly an art director. It can be said that you’re a typical dumb blonde. It can also be said that you’re tai poh mou lou / tua nee boh nao / big breast no brain.

But if you’re hardworking, take initiative, and willing to learn, humble, and sure that you’re aware that you might be in over your head, then I highly doubt these are the things that people can say about you.

Unfortunately, you’re none of the above. We’ve tried helping you. We’ve tried explaining to you this is what you should do, and show you how things are done. It’s a learning experience for all of us. We can learn what it’s like to guide, and probably learn something from you, and you in turn learn from us.

In fact we were told to work with you to help you become a better creative.

Unfortunately, in your mind, you got the same brief apparently.

Firstly, your layouts look like Powerpoint presentations. I didn’t say this. A multi-award winning ECD said this. The designer said so. The tea lady who has glasses thicker than bulletproof windows said so. Yet somehow, you don’t see that. And when it’s pointed out to you, you feign nonchalance.

Let’s start by talking about your ability to conceptualise. You know, one basic skill of every creative. The last we spoke to you, you presented two ideas for one campaign. Impressive. But then you used the same medium in both your ideas. Unimpressive. And almost the same idea, worded differently. Even more unimpressive.

When we shared ideas with you, hoping to get some proper feedback, and show you why is it that we made the choices we made (which was a luxury, since we weren’t obligated to). Instead, you took the higher ground, and just because you learned how to use Google last week to obtain info, you asked a question for the sake of asking a question.

To illustrate my point, would you ask someone why is it that they are folding paper when the company sells origami services. What did you say? You won’t ask why, because that’s a stupid question? Well, no arguments here then.

Here’s some championship material. We noticed that you joined the strategic planners for a discussion. We can’t help but notice because they can’t STFU, and each one of them are competing to see who has taken more Ricola in the morning. But I digress.

Anyway, for your information, a discussion works when everyone contributes. So when you just sit there and laugh, and make acute observations (“Yeah. It’s dark because it’s at night.”) you’re not contributing, therefore rendering your time redundant.

On that note, when you present, stop drawling, and repeating your point 5 times but saying it differently. Another example to illustrate my point is that it’s similar to me telling you this ball is round because it isn’t square and that it’s not triangle, and it’s not all the other shapes so there is only one shape left which is round. Confusing but making me sound retarded? More than normal? Yes.

Since we’re on the topic, a TVC storyboard (that boxy thing you fill with pictures? ya that one.) doesn’t have a specific size for the boxes. No, you don’t need to put a TV outline around it. Please don’t make them as big as 22 inches, or all the TV screen sizes you can think of.

Another tidbit of information: when someone asks you for a 100 day plan, you’ve gotta be realistic. There’s a lot you can do in 100 days. But being creative director is not one of them. Of course, you think it’s possible because our Group Head who has 8 years of experience doesn’t know how to use your stupid application, and you told him you should be Group Head/CD instead. Seriously, CD in 100 days. That’s the equivalent of asking a baby to teach you advanced physics while he/she is in the womb.

Which brings me at last, but not least, to your arrogance. Malays have this saying called bodoh sombong. Cantonese, it’s called lan lek. It basically means, don’t act like you’re the shit when you’re shit. I still don’t believe you had the nerve to tell me what to write when your own grammar leaves a lot to be desired for.

It’s not so much the fact that you wanted to teach me how to write (“use light up instead of that thing you said”), or that you think that you are better than someone who has obviously dealt with more in the industry than you. What really gets me is how you refuse to accept that even the best ECD in the world is still learning, and you refuse to because you think you’ve already made it.

This isn’t a playground, neh neh. And by the time you look past your own mountains of shame to see it, I hope for your sake it’s not too late.

Because there’s nothing sadder than watching a girl full of arrogance be brought back down to earth when you’re old, disillusioned and an alcoholic, teaching your grandchildren that you once lead a campaign that was an adaptation job.

I take that back. There is something sadder. It’s called your layouts.

Posted by: Theo | June 3, 2009

It seems…

/covers ears and runs.

Yes, I owe the world an update. To my loyal fan, my cat and my air particles, I’m sorry I haven’t had the time nor the inspiration to blog.

How long has it been? Yes, a few months. It’s just that I feel this blog has gotten old, and seems to be another internet fad passing through like a Mat Rempit in the night. Fast, and needs to change name it seems.

What has been up la.

Nothing much really. Just watching the company trickle (more like gush) down to a few. Same old. Not going to be silly and complain about clients on a public place. Number one, because I see this blog more as a social commentary piece than an avenue for personal vendettas. And logically, they know how to use Google too. And I’m sure with their level of mental capacity, that’s all they are concerned about.

“Let’s Google our company name and see if anyone bitches about us. What? No, no. Let’s not bother with what we should really concentrate on. Like, how to properly market our products. Oooh.. see new iPhone application. Can make it look like an iPod. Terer leh?”

Idiots. But I digress. If you’re not from this country i.e. Malaysia, there has been an ongoing occurence of what started out as illegal street motorcycle racing. They were initially known as Mat Rempit, and I have blogged about them on constant occasion. Yes, in my world, twice is counted as constant.

Anyway, the Government has decided that instead of Mat Rempit (which is inglorious apparently) they have decided to name them Samseng Jalanan. Road Thugs in English. What the fuck is the difference? So instead of sending them to lokap we send them to the National Criminal Correctional Facility Allocation Area is it? Lokap is lokap la.

I just realised I can’t even ramble properly anymore. Oh well. Not to say that I’m getting paid RM5 for every word I type on my blog right? I’m not some perasan case from East Malaysia nor am I some sweet young thing right?

Oh speaking of which. Is it me, or has the whole world jumped on to the blogging bandwagon recently? When it first started, ok la. I get it. Air your shit for everyone to see. Very nice. Then after a while, more and more blogs started popping up.

It’s all fair and good. I strongly believe in freedom of expression. God knows how little of that we’ve had in this country anyway. But my point is, it’s alright to have a blog. What I don’t think is alright is when you suddenly have blogger status?

What the fuck is that? Blogger status? So… you’re offered movie deals? Parents give you their children to kiss so that it will bless them for life is it?

Nope. Not the last I checked.

So why do these ‘bloggers’ have an air like they all can adopt children from 3rd world countries? (Shaotout angelina and mads. Holla!~ w00t~@! wtf.) Blogger only what diu. I also blogger la like that.

Honestly, I don’t blame those who got the status incidentally. Like, woke up next day, suddenly media companies no more media space, make shit up and pay half the price to bloggers to put their client’s ads. That’s fine to me really.

It’s the self-proclaimed ones. Wah! Cannot handle. I understand still if you want to call yourself a rockstar. Or a rapper. Or Malaysia’s answer to Rapcore Nursery Rhyme Hip Trance. But blogger? Fucking disgusting wei. And the last I checked, a blog is at least filled with some words la.

Every other blog nowadays is just pictures. Has society degraded so much that we can’t understand words anymore? That we have to rely on emoticons and pictures?

\(^.^)/

Tiba-tiba. Please la. Honestly, I think the government is worried about kids losing Bahasa to the wrong language. It’s definitely not English. It’s Interglish.

Apparently one of my friends told me that an acquaintance of hers actually pronounces LOL. As in, lohl. In proper conversations. Hallo, kawan. In 20 years, when you’ve been knocked up and you have to teach your children, you can’t go and tell them “Why you never finish homework? Alias dot alias! Papa said you lied to him. Dash dot dash. “

Wah. I just scrolled up. I don’t understand this post at all. Confirm. Lucky I just make tea for the agency. Because I can’t compare to other writers out there who are the bomb yo because they say so.

Anyway, sorry for wasting your time. Will be back when I have something more proper to rant about. Or won’t get me in trouble. Yet.

Tuh tuh fffehh ennn. (Shit. TTFN that cannot make it. I’m not cool enough sorry.)

Posted by: Theo | December 18, 2008

Cheen Ah.

For the record, I can’t stand anything fucking typical. Although I think that judging a village by the handful is for fools who can’t be bothered enough to think on their own, so they take the opinions of others, and base them on the little that they’ve seen, it’s unfortunate that we make judgements on a majority.

Having said that, you all know my hate affair with Chinese New Year. I for one, absolutely detest it. Though there are many things to hate about it, what I most likely can’t stand is how much it reminds me of typical Chinese.

Before you all start calling me a nut that forgot it’s skin, let me first tell you to go fuck yourselves. I have my opinions, and the last I checked, I’m entitled to them. So again, before you call me a traitor against my own race, fuck you.

Anyway, I digress (rather angrily).

I was going to write a really concise and entertaining piece about Chinese people’s bad habits and what I can’t stand about them, but a)I’m a lousy writer and b)I think it’s easier this way.

I cannot deal, when Chinese people make jokes that are only funny to their cliques. Why is it only funny to their cliques? Because idiots of a feather yum char together. One example I can give, is below:

(Mind you, everything is in Cantonese). “That day hor, this guy ask me if I wanted to eat sushi. Then I told him, don’t want. I want to eat Shi Shi!” (insert corny ass fucking laughter here and involves a lot of snorting that goes something like ha ha ha ha ching chong ching chong.)

For those of you who are still scraping your scalp over what the fuck Shi Shi means, it means ‘piss’` in Cute Chinesey.

The worst part is how they think that if you can speak proper English, you’re different. You’re not Chinese enough. Can anyone say Yugovfarkoff? They say that you think you’re one step above the rest because you know another language instead of another dialect.

Try looking at it this way. Maybe you’re just not open enough to accept that the world doesn’t revolve around the biggest country in the world. Beijing 2008 passed already, can?

Another thing I cannot deal with? How everything has to do with face. Seriously, face. Or losing it. In the first place, how the fuck do you lose face? You leave it behind? You forget to bring it? An eye drops? What?

Please. Before you correct me and go on about how “it’s a symbolic meaning, it doesn’t mean face literally haha you retard roflmao” shove your face with Kim Gary fried rice please.

If you’re so worried about what people think of you all the time, stay at home and don’t come out. Then you can spend all day trying to fix that fucking face that you’re so worried about losing.

With each face comes a name. And Chinese people who have names that don’t make sense just don’t… well, make sense.

You know the type. The ones who think that Andy and Wilson are both such nice names, they MUST combine them. I’m sure some of us know an Anson. Or Kelvin and Robert, where you get Robvin.

And of course, there are those who probably fell in love with science when they were in high school. Plutonium Lim, Areola Tan, etc. I met this one girl named Piggy. And in the same night, I met her friend named Radiance.

What the fuck is wrong with common names? I have a terrible Chinese name, otherwise I’ll gladly wear it. And no, my first name isn’t a nama glemer. It’s on my birth certificate, and identification card. So I didn’t put Radiance to make myself sound cool. Sorry lor..

Sigh. Ranting makes me tired. There’s more, surely, and I will get back to you about it. For now, I’m going to drink coffee. And try not to hit any Ah Jengs.

Posted by: Theo | July 25, 2008

Not funny also.

Wah. Kenny Sia said it’s funny. Must be funny. Go watch the Mamee Ads. Fuyoh. Kenny Sia. My idol leh! I’m so glad that I get a sense of belonging when he reads my comment on his page. I’m so happy. Must listen to him and tell all my other friends. Wait. Kim Liang is still studying, Mohd. Noor is still busy perving over some hentai. How like that? Nvm. I’ll just sit here and refresh his page every 5 minutes, hoping that he will notice me and take me up the rear, just like my chubby-chasing wet dreams.

……..

Fuck you lah. Seriously, I don’t mind kenny sia so much. I respect the fact that to each his or her own opinions and style of writing, so relaks lah hor? But what I cannot understand is that some people have this weird ass need to suck up to him.

Why la wei? I didn’t know that he’s the heir to the Genting throne. Or does he have some special powers that will cure your pet iguana from paralysis? Is that why you think that once you’ve commented, he’s going to have a second coming and clear you of all your sins?

Damn beh tahan. Again, don’t get me wrong. I think he’s lame and all, but I’m guessing he’s probably a nice guy. How I know? I don’t. But that’s the best theory I have about how come some girls actually have stayed in his house without fear of him raping them. He MUST be a nice guy. Besides the statement he made on someone’s accident, but that’s a different story.

Again, that’s not my main beef. It’s the suck-ups. My God, the suck-ups. The brown-nosers. STFU already. Comment whatever the fuck you want. Just try not to make yourself sound like you have a laptop placed on top of a big bunch of Mr.Potato snack packets and a bowl of kolok mee, all basked in deep blue lighting sat in front of a map of Sarawak which you bow down to everyday.

Urgh. I had food poisoning yesterday, but these dumb fucks are giving me an ulcer.

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