/covers ears and runs.

Yes, I owe the world an update. To my loyal fan, my cat and my air particles, I’m sorry I haven’t had the time nor the inspiration to blog.

How long has it been? Yes, a few months. It’s just that I feel this blog has gotten old, and seems to be another internet fad passing through like a Mat Rempit in the night. Fast, and needs to change name it seems.

What has been up la.

Nothing much really. Just watching the company trickle (more like gush) down to a few. Same old. Not going to be silly and complain about clients on a public place. Number one, because I see this blog more as a social commentary piece than an avenue for personal vendettas. And logically, they know how to use Google too. And I’m sure with their level of mental capacity, that’s all they are concerned about.

“Let’s Google our company name and see if anyone bitches about us. What? No, no. Let’s not bother with what we should really concentrate on. Like, how to properly market our products. Oooh.. see new iPhone application. Can make it look like an iPod. Terer leh?”

Idiots. But I digress. If you’re not from this country i.e. Malaysia, there has been an ongoing occurence of what started out as illegal street motorcycle racing. They were initially known as Mat Rempit, and I have blogged about them on constant occasion. Yes, in my world, twice is counted as constant.

Anyway, the Government has decided that instead of Mat Rempit (which is inglorious apparently) they have decided to name them Samseng Jalanan. Road Thugs in English. What the fuck is the difference? So instead of sending them to lokap we send them to the National Criminal Correctional Facility Allocation Area is it? Lokap is lokap la.

I just realised I can’t even ramble properly anymore. Oh well. Not to say that I’m getting paid RM5 for every word I type on my blog right? I’m not some perasan case from East Malaysia nor am I some sweet young thing right?

Oh speaking of which. Is it me, or has the whole world jumped on to the blogging bandwagon recently? When it first started, ok la. I get it. Air your shit for everyone to see. Very nice. Then after a while, more and more blogs started popping up.

It’s all fair and good. I strongly believe in freedom of expression. God knows how little of that we’ve had in this country anyway. But my point is, it’s alright to have a blog. What I don’t think is alright is when you suddenly have blogger status?

What the fuck is that? Blogger status? So… you’re offered movie deals? Parents give you their children to kiss so that it will bless them for life is it?

Nope. Not the last I checked.

So why do these ‘bloggers’ have an air like they all can adopt children from 3rd world countries? (Shaotout angelina and mads. Holla!~ w00t~@! wtf.) Blogger only what diu. I also blogger la like that.

Honestly, I don’t blame those who got the status incidentally. Like, woke up next day, suddenly media companies no more media space, make shit up and pay half the price to bloggers to put their client’s ads. That’s fine to me really.

It’s the self-proclaimed ones. Wah! Cannot handle. I understand still if you want to call yourself a rockstar. Or a rapper. Or Malaysia’s answer to Rapcore Nursery Rhyme Hip Trance. But blogger? Fucking disgusting wei. And the last I checked, a blog is at least filled with some words la.

Every other blog nowadays is just pictures. Has society degraded so much that we can’t understand words anymore? That we have to rely on emoticons and pictures?

\(^.^)/

Tiba-tiba. Please la. Honestly, I think the government is worried about kids losing Bahasa to the wrong language. It’s definitely not English. It’s Interglish.

Apparently one of my friends told me that an acquaintance of hers actually pronounces LOL. As in, lohl. In proper conversations. Hallo, kawan. In 20 years, when you’ve been knocked up and you have to teach your children, you can’t go and tell them “Why you never finish homework? Alias dot alias! Papa said you lied to him. Dash dot dash. “

Wah. I just scrolled up. I don’t understand this post at all. Confirm. Lucky I just make tea for the agency. Because I can’t compare to other writers out there who are the bomb yo because they say so.

Anyway, sorry for wasting your time. Will be back when I have something more proper to rant about. Or won’t get me in trouble. Yet.

Tuh tuh fffehh ennn. (Shit. TTFN that cannot make it. I’m not cool enough sorry.)

For the record, I can’t stand anything fucking typical. Although I think that judging a village by the handful is for fools who can’t be bothered enough to think on their own, so they take the opinions of others, and base them on the little that they’ve seen, it’s unfortunate that we make judgements on a majority.

Having said that, you all know my hate affair with Chinese New Year. I for one, absolutely detest it. Though there are many things to hate about it, what I most likely can’t stand is how much it reminds me of typical Chinese.

Before you all start calling me a nut that forgot it’s skin, let me first tell you to go fuck yourselves. I have my opinions, and the last I checked, I’m entitled to them. So again, before you call me a traitor against my own race, fuck you.

Anyway, I digress (rather angrily).

I was going to write a really concise and entertaining piece about Chinese people’s bad habits and what I can’t stand about them, but a)I’m a lousy writer and b)I think it’s easier this way.

I cannot deal, when Chinese people make jokes that are only funny to their cliques. Why is it only funny to their cliques? Because idiots of a feather yum char together. One example I can give, is below:

(Mind you, everything is in Cantonese). “That day hor, this guy ask me if I wanted to eat sushi. Then I told him, don’t want. I want to eat Shi Shi!” (insert corny ass fucking laughter here and involves a lot of snorting that goes something like ha ha ha ha ching chong ching chong.)

For those of you who are still scraping your scalp over what the fuck Shi Shi means, it means ‘piss’` in Cute Chinesey.

The worst part is how they think that if you can speak proper English, you’re different. You’re not Chinese enough. Can anyone say Yugovfarkoff? They say that you think you’re one step above the rest because you know another language instead of another dialect.

Try looking at it this way. Maybe you’re just not open enough to accept that the world doesn’t revolve around the biggest country in the world. Beijing 2008 passed already, can?

Another thing I cannot deal with? How everything has to do with face. Seriously, face. Or losing it. In the first place, how the fuck do you lose face? You leave it behind? You forget to bring it? An eye drops? What?

Please. Before you correct me and go on about how “it’s a symbolic meaning, it doesn’t mean face literally haha you retard roflmao” shove your face with Kim Gary fried rice please.

If you’re so worried about what people think of you all the time, stay at home and don’t come out. Then you can spend all day trying to fix that fucking face that you’re so worried about losing.

With each face comes a name. And Chinese people who have names that don’t make sense just don’t… well, make sense.

You know the type. The ones who think that Andy and Wilson are both such nice names, they MUST combine them. I’m sure some of us know an Anson. Or Kelvin and Robert, where you get Robvin.

And of course, there are those who probably fell in love with science when they were in high school. Plutonium Lim, Areola Tan, etc. I met this one girl named Piggy. And in the same night, I met her friend named Radiance.

What the fuck is wrong with common names? I have a terrible Chinese name, otherwise I’ll gladly wear it. And no, my first name isn’t a nama glemer. It’s on my birth certificate, and identification card. So I didn’t put Radiance to make myself sound cool. Sorry lor..

Sigh. Ranting makes me tired. There’s more, surely, and I will get back to you about it. For now, I’m going to drink coffee. And try not to hit any Ah Jengs.

Wah. Kenny Sia said it’s funny. Must be funny. Go watch the Mamee Ads. Fuyoh. Kenny Sia. My idol leh! I’m so glad that I get a sense of belonging when he reads my comment on his page. I’m so happy. Must listen to him and tell all my other friends. Wait. Kim Liang is still studying, Mohd. Noor is still busy perving over some hentai. How like that? Nvm. I’ll just sit here and refresh his page every 5 minutes, hoping that he will notice me and take me up the rear, just like my chubby-chasing wet dreams.

……..

Fuck you lah. Seriously, I don’t mind kenny sia so much. I respect the fact that to each his or her own opinions and style of writing, so relaks lah hor? But what I cannot understand is that some people have this weird ass need to suck up to him.

Why la wei? I didn’t know that he’s the heir to the Genting throne. Or does he have some special powers that will cure your pet iguana from paralysis? Is that why you think that once you’ve commented, he’s going to have a second coming and clear you of all your sins?

Damn beh tahan. Again, don’t get me wrong. I think he’s lame and all, but I’m guessing he’s probably a nice guy. How I know? I don’t. But that’s the best theory I have about how come some girls actually have stayed in his house without fear of him raping them. He MUST be a nice guy. Besides the statement he made on someone’s accident, but that’s a different story.

Again, that’s not my main beef. It’s the suck-ups. My God, the suck-ups. The brown-nosers. STFU already. Comment whatever the fuck you want. Just try not to make yourself sound like you have a laptop placed on top of a big bunch of Mr.Potato snack packets and a bowl of kolok mee, all basked in deep blue lighting sat in front of a map of Sarawak which you bow down to everyday.

Urgh. I had food poisoning yesterday, but these dumb fucks are giving me an ulcer.

Sometimes, when a momentary lapse of concentration washes over me, I scroll through my MSN contacts list absent-mindedly.

It’s like reading a bulletin board of your friend’s problems. And I don’t care if you think I’m lame. I happen to like to answer people’s status messages. *shrugs* I don’t always do it though. Because that’s just fucking annoying. And I don’t think I care enough about some people to question them on their “Jinjang Joe – feels like slashing wrist with spoon” messages. However, I do think that it serves to fulfil two needs:

1. To quench my desire to randomly break monotony.

2. To give those who yearn for some form of attention, some.

Besides that, the only other conclusion I can get from my MSN aren’t even conclusions. In fact, they are more like questions. Like, why do I have certain people on my MSN anyway? The last I spoke to them was when Colour TV was all the rage.

And, even more disturbing, does this mean that the only means of contact I’ll ever have with these ghosts are through a few typed words on a computer screen?

Plus, it’s ironic how it’s an instant messenger when most of the time we think first before we type.

Blah. What a stupid post. I give up.

BBL.

It’s interesting sitting in a Starbucks on a Sunday. You get all sorts.

Firstly, you get a big bunch of old Uncles who layan Tazo Iced Tea, talking about sweet young things and dirty politicians. Which is interesting because I swear I overheard one of them talking about their friend who is going out with a 17 year old girl named Strawberry. All said while munching away on home-brought longans. Wtf.

Then you have the college student who is obviously in the closet but refuses to admit he likes cock due to his friends pseudo-machoness. That same idiot tripped over my wire. Probably because he was eyeing one of the old men nearby. “Hrm. How do prunes taste like I wonder?”

Sigh. I’m annoyed. And my battery is running out. And I will leave it at that.