For the record, I can’t stand anything fucking typical. Although I think that judging a village by the handful is for fools who can’t be bothered enough to think on their own, so they take the opinions of others, and base them on the little that they’ve seen, it’s unfortunate that we make judgements on a majority.

Having said that, you all know my hate affair with Chinese New Year. I for one, absolutely detest it. Though there are many things to hate about it, what I most likely can’t stand is how much it reminds me of typical Chinese.

Before you all start calling me a nut that forgot it’s skin, let me first tell you to go fuck yourselves. I have my opinions, and the last I checked, I’m entitled to them. So again, before you call me a traitor against my own race, fuck you.

Anyway, I digress (rather angrily).

I was going to write a really concise and entertaining piece about Chinese people’s bad habits and what I can’t stand about them, but a)I’m a lousy writer and b)I think it’s easier this way.

I cannot deal, when Chinese people make jokes that are only funny to their cliques. Why is it only funny to their cliques? Because idiots of a feather yum char together. One example I can give, is below:

(Mind you, everything is in Cantonese). “That day hor, this guy ask me if I wanted to eat sushi. Then I told him, don’t want. I want to eat Shi Shi!” (insert corny ass fucking laughter here and involves a lot of snorting that goes something like ha ha ha ha ching chong ching chong.)

For those of you who are still scraping your scalp over what the fuck Shi Shi means, it means ‘piss’` in Cute Chinesey.

The worst part is how they think that if you can speak proper English, you’re different. You’re not Chinese enough. Can anyone say Yugovfarkoff? They say that you think you’re one step above the rest because you know another language instead of another dialect.

Try looking at it this way. Maybe you’re just not open enough to accept that the world doesn’t revolve around the biggest country in the world. Beijing 2008 passed already, can?

Another thing I cannot deal with? How everything has to do with face. Seriously, face. Or losing it. In the first place, how the fuck do you lose face? You leave it behind? You forget to bring it? An eye drops? What?

Please. Before you correct me and go on about how “it’s a symbolic meaning, it doesn’t mean face literally haha you retard roflmao” shove your face with Kim Gary fried rice please.

If you’re so worried about what people think of you all the time, stay at home and don’t come out. Then you can spend all day trying to fix that fucking face that you’re so worried about losing.

With each face comes a name. And Chinese people who have names that don’t make sense just don’t… well, make sense.

You know the type. The ones who think that Andy and Wilson are both such nice names, they MUST combine them. I’m sure some of us know an Anson. Or Kelvin and Robert, where you get Robvin.

And of course, there are those who probably fell in love with science when they were in high school. Plutonium Lim, Areola Tan, etc. I met this one girl named Piggy. And in the same night, I met her friend named Radiance.

What the fuck is wrong with common names? I have a terrible Chinese name, otherwise I’ll gladly wear it. And no, my first name isn’t a nama glemer. It’s on my birth certificate, and identification card. So I didn’t put Radiance to make myself sound cool. Sorry lor..

Sigh. Ranting makes me tired. There’s more, surely, and I will get back to you about it. For now, I’m going to drink coffee. And try not to hit any Ah Jengs.